Me And Mrs Jones: Do I go for Tom or Billy?

Gemma Jones | 17:08 UK time, Thursday, 11 October 2012

Tom asked me out at school today, and no, we're not 10 we're 40 (ish) which makes the whole asking me out in the playground awkward. Everyone looking.

Tom (Nathaniel Parker) asks Gemma (Sarah Alexander) out: AWKWARD

Fran said I should be thrilled about a date with the school's do-able Dad. I mean, the last date I went on was... well it was with... it can't be... God, it was with my ex-husband!

Wait, did I even go on a proper date with Jason? Does him not charging me for a coffee class as a date?

It seemed to go from Jason giving me a free coffee to "Do you take this man to be your..." to ex-husband to "No Gemma, I can't have the kids this weekend because my bonkers Swedish girlfriend is waxing my toes"!

Forget Jason, Fran says I must prepare emotionally and physically for my date with Tom. She is a good friend but I don't know what she's talking about... and I can't get my brain off Billy - which I need to because he's my son's friend and half my age with eyes that make me.... stop it Gemma!
Billy (Robert Sheehan) and Gemma Jones (Sarah Alexander)

Billy (Robert Sheehan) - lovely eyes, and Gemma

Fran says if you're interested in more than one man then the way to decide is to have them strip to the waist and wrestle.

I'm not sure Tom and Billy would agree to that, although I'm sure I could sell tickets and make a lot of money out of that as an event.... that's not the point. The point is...

Wait! I know! A MAN LIST, good, yes a list, I'm more of a list woman than a wrestling woman.

I'm not against men wrestling - or women wrestling for that matter but.... enough! Think lists.

Reasons to date Tom
- He has luxurious hair, good yes, strong hair = strong man. Tom has the hair of a matinee idol, and he's admired - by other women - from afar - and up close.
- He's kind to animals and small children... At least I think he is, his daughter's hamster is six which is a record I think! He says he feeds it warm milk and honey when it 'sniffles'. Do hamsters sniffle?
Reasons not to date Tom
- He says 'sniffles'.

Reasons to date Billy
- His voice. Is that a reason to date a man - his voice? Yes, because... I mean... it's certainly a reason not to date a man eg Orville - vocally off-putting -although technically Orville's not a man, he's a bird, but he's voiced by a man and....
- Eyes! Billy has nice eyes, two of them. Lovely eyes in fact - for a fact in fact.

Reasons not to date Billy
- He's young, not really young but youngER - than me.
- He's also Alfie's friend. Which means the list leads me back to Tom.

This list thing isn't working.

Gemma Jones is the lead character and Fay Rusling and Oriane Messina are the writers of Me And Mrs Jones.